A Letter to My Firstborn Before You Are No Longer My Only

mom-baby-hands

As I sit here watching you dance to your favorite music and listen to you belt out the chorus in your sweet little voice, I can’t help but think back to 16 short (and long) months ago. Its hard to believe that this time last year we were getting ready to celebrate your First Christmas. In December of 2018 you tried solids for the very first time, you were teething something fierce, and you were giving me all the baby giggles and coos. Talking has always been kind of your thing and I love it. It seems like a lifetime ago but I also feel like those moments were just yesterday. Its wild watching you now…

You are fearless and strong. A perfect mix of sweet and sass. You use your entire little body to dance and when you sing it comes from deep in your belly; I am positive the neighbors can hear you. You crack yourself up at your own jokes which keeps me laughing because you’re laughing. You are never too far away from a book. I don’t know what you love more, music or books, but the love and passion you have for both amazes me and makes me so happy. You are definitely my little girl. You already show signs of feeling things deep in your soul and, if I am being honest, this excites me and terrifies me. The world can be a cruel place for someone who feels everything but it can also be so beautiful. Trust me. Living this life with your eyes completely wide open will take you so very far.

I always knew I wanted you, but I never realized just how much of an impact you would have on me until you were here. It is true what they say about babies changing everything. Its sleepless nights, endless worry, constant anxiety wondering if I am doing it all wrong, and so many tears. Especially in the beginning. It’s pure joy, laughter, amazement, and true unconditional love. Its hearing you say “Mama” over and over again and never getting tired of it. Its grocery shopping with your dad when he tells me we should have pasta and you yelling “Pasta” as loud as you can in agreement. Its dancing with you in the living room and reading you each book you bring me countless times a day. Its having you come up behind me when I am cooking to hug my leg and say “hi” in that tiny voice of yours. It’s also me counting to ten approximately twenty times a day when you test my very last nerve with your sass. It’s SO MANY MESSES. Life has been a whirlwind of firsts and emotions since you arrived. We have had to learn things together over these past 16 months; we are still learning together. I really can’t imagine a life without you. You will always be my firstborn; the one who made me a mama.

As for this December? Well, this December we add one more. One week from today, we will go from a family of three to a family of four. Your little brother will be here and I am feeling all of the feelings. You are going to be a big sister and will no longer be my only baby. You will be sharing me and I will be sharing you. I am excited and nervous and already thinking of ways to ensure you feel special. Because even though you are my tiny social butterfly who loves playing with other little kids and gets sooooo excited at the sight of other babies, I am sure there is going to be some jealousy. So, we will just have to have extra snuggles and dance parties. But I also know you are going to be the best big sister and I can’t wait to see how you take your little brother under your wing. You are going to teach him so many things. You both are going to give me a run for my money and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Thank you for being the sweetest little girl. Thank you for giving me the chance to do something extra special with my life. Thank you for slobbery kisses, endless snuggles, surprise messes, and monster chases. Thank you for the challenges; the journey we have shared figuring it all out together for the first time. Thank you for the sass. Yes, the SASS. Because with that strong little personality, I know you are meant for great things. It makes me proud. Exhausted, but proud nonetheless. Most of all, thank you for just being you. Thank you for your unconditional love baby girl. You are so very special and I won’t let you forget it.

R. L. Taylor

 

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